The greatest hindrance to present happiness is a past happiness too well-remembered.
Down with all those shit with what I was, am and will be. All things come to an end. Maybe this serves as a fitting finale for my blog, if this is to be the last.
As I was reading articles that I wrote for the past year or so, I noticed that I have never really put myself in the bad light, and that most of my readers’ ideas of me is an uber-idealised bohemian who can stand on his own principles all the time and lives his life well.
Wrong.
I am now at the brink of giving up, I don’t know what I did in my past life to deserve all this crap im under. Honestly, I don’t know what to do anymore, after realising that I am really alone, that all those who seemed to care for me are either dead, underground, or has stopped breathing.
I have no choice but to convince myself each time that I can do it, because I have nowhere else to go. I never had the luxury of making mistakes with my parents there to grab hold of me when I fall. I never had a lot of friends as I grew up secluded from society, so I never had the chance to meet people and know them.
I was brought up well, only for some other dimension.
I had to learn how to socialize at a time when my peers were already thinking of marriage. I had to learn that honesty isn’t the best policy at all times. I had to learn 20 years worth the world in ten minutes. I suppose that is where my obnoxiousness comes from, I have to apologise to everyone whose psyches I have stepped on because I still have remnants of the delusion that was my life years and years ago.
I am still on the learning process.
I may be smart in a lot of ways, but emotionally, I might as well be called a moron.
